Keith and JD were two of the only people who knew that I had a secret about Trump pre-election, and there was a time after the 2016 election when their concerns about their upcoming marriage turned into resentment of me for not coming forward and upending my life to save theirs. It was shared by my gay dads, the family I chose in my twenties when I gave up on my biological parents. Their fear is real, and when they confide in me, it comes from an authentic place. The latter group of gay men is more emotional, and after the show they talk to me about feeling bullied by an administration that makes their marriages and freedoms seem less safe. I can’t tell you how many times men from the former group have told me, “This is the first time we ever paid to get into a strip club-that has a vagina.” A lot of them come with props for the meet-and-greet photos, like bags of Cheetos or a Make America Gay Again hat. The gay men seem to fall into two categories: the good-timers and the witnesses to history, and I love them both. If you’re familiar with the term “New Money,” you will understand the concept of New Strip Club Patron. That’s why I chose to share what you are about to read. For all I’ve lost, I deserve the chance to defend myself and state all the facts. It’s the life I dreamed of and worked hard to have, and I have to keep reminding myself that that life is over.
I was starring in films I wrote and directed in L.A., then going home to my suburban life with my husband and seven-year-old daughter in Texas.
But it wasn’t the full story-it didn’t cover the “why” of my decisions and the real, personal costs to me. The interview covered what happened in a hotel room, and later, when my life was threatened in a parking lot. It was important to me that I go to a reputable, impartial news source when I first set the record straight about Donald Trump’s personal attorney repeatedly trying to get me to lie about a sexual encounter I had with the president in 2006.
Which is exactly what has happened ever since March, when I gave 60 Minutes a free interview that was worth millions. I took a straight-up F, and did so every time an assignment called for public speaking. (Sorry if that is a spoiler, but if you narrowed your next read down to this one or Little Women, you need to examine your life choices.)īut I couldn’t get my voice to come out. And no, I did not think she should have married old Professor Bhaer. More than that, I identified with Jo’s frustration with what the world was ready to allow a girl to do. And Jo March was the perfect character for me to talk about because, just like me, she wanted to be a writer. Of course, I read it-I read everything I could back then. The first time this happened was in ninth grade-an oral book report on Little Women. My fear was so crippling, my voice so shaky, that I could not get out of my seat. Because when I was a student at Scotlandville Magnet High School in my hometown of Baton Rouge, sure, I got straight As, but I always took a zero rather than talk in front of the class. How do I do porn or take my clothes off onstage in clubs? Or take on the president of the United States? No, the thing that amazes me most about this past year is that I can speak in front of people. Because I am an adult film actress, director, and dancer, when I meet people they usually have some nagging question about what gives me the nerve to think I can do something. I think I put off buying a dress because I was so nervous about giving a speech.